Have you ever really wanted something, and you pray and pray about it, but it never happens, and you just have to wonder why? Well, I am sure that happens a lot, but a lot of times if you step back and really look at what you are asking God for, maybe it is not so much in His plan, and there is your reason for not getting it. Maybe you are wanting "things", or to look good or something that is not Godly. But, what about those things that seem like they have to be part of his plan, but yet He seems to be saying no to them? Why would the desire continue to be so strong in your heart and mind, if it is not what He is planning for you? I have...since I was a teenager...had a desire to adopt a kid, or kids. Here I am...in my thirtys and it has not happened. And now, in addition to that, I have developed a desire to be a foster parent, yet I don't feel that I can do that unless I can be a stay at home mom, in order to be really fair to the kids. And to top it off, now that I have been to Guatemala, I have a huge burden on my heart for the people of that country, and I want to do more for them. However,it seems that a person has to have money to really be able to do things like that. So.......why are these things, adoption, fostering, and the people of Guatemala, on my heart so heavy, but I am not in a position to do anything about them? It is really hard..........some days harder than others. I mean, it gets me so upset some days, that it gets almost to the point of depression. I feel that I have an empty part of my heart. I feel that my desires are Godly desires, so I cannot understand why God does not seem to make a way for them, or at least one of them, to happen. I have even stepped back and examined my motives for my desires, and I cannot find anything wrong them them. I just have such a desire to help, to love, and to provide for these particular groups of people. Because of these desires, I often feel "incomplete" in my heart. So....I just wanted to share. It really does get me down sometimes, and sometimes sharing things like this can help a person deal with them better. My prayer is that God will either put us in a position to do some of the things that my heart desires, that like I said, I feel are very Godly desires, or that He will ease those desires of my heart so that I don't feel so empty not being able to fulfill them.
Amy's Beat
I groove to the beat of my own drums!
2 comments:
I know just what ya mean, I feel that way a lot too. Can't wait til the day I finally get to understand it all.
Guess that Chad's sermon today (March 9th) on God's comforting grace was just what you needed to hear. I have always wished that I could have an inside track on God's thought process... but it isn't possible, and would actually be more than I could handle anyway. Hang in there, daughter...and remember... you aren't alone!!!!
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